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Funny Love Sayings And Quotes Biography

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Mark Twain was quoted in his biography “Humor is mankind's greatest blessing”. It is said that humor is the fragrance of life. It stirs your spirit and makes you aware of the fact that you are alive. Joy is the natural expression and reaction of a sensible and intelligent person, to the finer things in life. Having the ability to laugh is the best reward that a human being has. Sadly, not many people are seen making use of the same. No luxury in this world can be compared to the feelings of euphoria, which comes after laughing. Laughter is the best medicine and it is also the best thing that you can do with your lips. What better way to cheer yourself up than having funny quotes and sayings as company. Read this article to know some of them right here.
To fall in love is awfully simple, but to fall out of love is simply awful- Bess Myerson
Behind every successful man stands a surprised mother-in-law - Hubert Humphrey
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder- Anon
An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less - Nicholas Murray Butler
I’m going to live forever, or die trying - Joseph Heller
If you can count your money, you don’t have a billion dollars - J.P. Getty
A friend is someone who’s there when he needs you - Anon
Girls are like pianos. When they’re not upright, they’re grand - Benny Hill
A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain - Mark Twain
A man's true character comes out when he's drunk- Charlie Chaplin.
Don’t drink and drive; you might spill your beer.
I used to have an open mind, but my brains kept falling out.
Everyone has a photographic memory, but some just don't have a film.
You know the speed of light, so what's the speed of darkness?
People join the army for visiting exotic places, meet strange people, then finish them.
Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.
There are three sides to any argument: your side, my side, and the right side.
Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.
Always remember that you are absolutely unique, just like everyone else.
Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.
Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.
Where there's a will, there are five hundred relatives.
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others. - Author unknown
Life is just a phase you're going through...you'll get over it. - Author unknown
You can't have everything. Where would you put it? - Steven Wright
Born to be wild - live to outgrow it. - Lao Tzu
For most men, life is a search for the proper Manila envelope in which to get themselves filed. - Clifton Fadiman
After one look at this planet, any visitor from outer space would say, "I WANT TO SEE THE MANAGER!" - William S. Burroughs
Life is like eating artichokes, you have got to go through so much to get so little. - Thomas Aloysius Dorgan
Personally, I don't think there's intelligent life on other planets. Why should other planets be any different from this one? - Bob Monkhouse
Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. - Woody Allen
Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too soon. - Woody Allen
Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television. - Woody Allen
Life is just one damned thing after another. - Elbert Hubbard
Life is as tedious as a twice-told tale vexing the dull ear of a drowsy man. - William Shakespeare
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else. - Will RogersDo paranoid schizophrenic agnostic dyslexic insomniacs lie awake at night wondering if they might be the dog that's out to get them?
Do communion wafers taste better in Corpus Christi, Texas, or in Sacramento, California?
Don't call us "gun nuts"! With a government like ours, we'd be nuts not to have guns!
Gold, Frankincense and Myrrh? Wouldn't Jesus have preferred Gold, Platinum and Silver?
Gun Exchange programs would work great if they gave you a gun when you handed in a criminal!
Have you ever noticed how nothing is impossible for those who don't have to do it?
Even if you manage to convince me that I am gay, I am NOT going to sleep with you.
Ever wonder why god-centered religions make a woman responsible for messing up the world?
Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words: "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been."
Everybody needs something to believe. I believe I'll have another cup of coffee!
Everyday I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.
How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
I'd tell you to go to Hell, but I work there and I don't want to have to see you everyday
I'm a Frisbeeterian - When I die, my soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there
I'm a right-wing, Republican, conservative Christian who thinks the spotted owl tastes like chicken.
I accidentally installed the deer whistles on my car backwards. Now everywhere I go, I'm chased by a herd of deer.
Did Joseph get upset when the Boy Jesus gave away his coin collection?
Don't hate me because I'm beautiful. Hate me because your boyfriend thinks so.
Firefighting is like sex; size, equipment, and technique are all important.
Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but she did it backwards in high heels
Give the anarchists an inch, and the next thing you know, they want to be in charge!
God could create the universe in six days because he didn’t have to make it upward compatible.
God loves everyone, but probably prefers "fruits of the spirit" over "religious nuts!"
God must especially love Fundamentalist preachers, Paleoconservative Republicans and the mentally ill, since He is all they ever talk about
I consider conversations with people to be mind exorcizes. But I don't want to pull a muscle, so I stretch a lot. That's why I'm constantly either rolling my eyes or yawning.
-Jarod Kintz
Someday I want to write the Boston Marathon of run-on sentences. And since it'll be so long, I'll replace all the commas with the word Gatorade, to help push people through it.
-Jarod Kintz
A telemarketer called the other day and asked me for my name. I said "this is Pete." He replied "hi, Steve." I said "no, my name is Pete." He still didn't understand me so he asked me to spell my name. I said "no problem, P as in pneumonia, E as in Einstein, T as in tsunami, and E as in Europe."
-Pete Blankenhorn
Father Flannigan's Whiskey wants to remind you that wherever there are four Irish Catholics, there's always a fifth.
-Pete Blankenhorn
When a girl says she wants to be friends with benefits, I always ask if that includes dental insurance.
-Jarod Kintz
People come up to me and say, "Emo, do people really come up to you?"--Emo Phillips
Well, my brother says Hello. So, hooray for speech therapy.--Emo Phillips
I was at a bar nursing a beer. My nipple was getting quite soggy.--Emo Phillips
My girlfriend loves Sex In The City. Trouble is, I live in the country.
-Jarod Kintz
I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky -- but there wasn't any gum under any of them.--Emo Phillips