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Funny Loves Quotes Biography

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here's a funny thing about love, and it's called everything. Thankfully, some of our favorite comedians can relate, and we found the love quotes to prove it.

1. "You can't put a price tag on love. But if you could, I'd wait for it to go on sale." — Hussein Nishah

2. "I thought I was promiscuous, but it turns out I was just thorough." — Russell Brand

3. "I love being married. It's so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life." — Rita Rudner

4. "I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?" — Jean Illsley Clarke

5. "Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing." — Natasha Leggero

6. "I'm now making a Jewish porno film. 10% sex, 90% guilt." — Henny Youngman

7. "My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don't really know me." — Garry Shandling

8. "Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in." — Richard Jeni

9. "If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?" — Lily Tomlin

10. "Being a good husband is like being a stand-up comic. You need 10 years before you can call yourself a beginner." — Jerry Seinfeld

11. "My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on." — Joan Rivers

12. "Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family." — Chelsea Handler

13. "Love is a lot like a backache, it doesn't show up on X-rays, but you know it's there." — George Burns

14. "I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury." — Groucho Marx

15. "Love is the answer, but while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions." — Woody Allen

16. "If you can stay in love for more than two years, you're on something." — Fran Lebowitz

17. "Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings and lawyers." — Richard Pryor

18. "There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments." — Chris Rock

19. "My wife was afraid of the dark... then she saw me naked and now she's afraid of the light." — Rodney Dangerfield

20. "I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the time he killed himself." — Johnny Carson

21. "My brother is gay and my parents don’t care, as long as he marries a doctor." — Elayne BooslerIf love is the answer, can you rephrase the question?

2. Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.

3. A happy man marries the girl he loves; a happier man loves the girl he marries.

4. Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. 2nd marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

5. There is no difference between a wise man and a fool when they fall in love.

6. Love is like a Rubix Cube, there are countless numbers of wrong twists and turns, but when you get it right, it looks perfect no matter what way you look at it

7. You know it’s love when you want to keep holding hands even after you’re sweaty.

8. You can’t put a price tag on love, but you can on all its accessories.

9. Love is a lot like a backache, it doesn’t show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there.

10. Love is only a dirty trick played on us to achieve continuation of the species.

11. An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.

12. Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed.

13. Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That’s relativity.

14. No man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying.

15. Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.

16. You can’t buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.

17. Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener

18. Trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never met.

19. Love is only a dirty trick played on us to achieve continuation of the species.

20. Love at first sight is possible, but it pays to take a second look.

21. It’s better to have loved and lost than to have to do forty pounds of laundry a week.

22. Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in.

23. You have to walk carefully in the beginning of love; the running across fields into your lover’s arms can only come later when you’re sure they won’t laugh if you trip.

24. All I really need is love, but a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt!

25. The sincerest love is the love of food.

26. Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties.

27. I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.

28. You know it’s love when you want to keep holding hands even after you’re sweaty.

29. The four most important words in any marriage… I’ll do the dishes.

30. Nothing spoils romance so much as a sense of humour in the woman.

31. Love is only a dirty trick played on us to achieve continuation of the species.

32. One good thing about Internet dating: you’re guaranteed to click with whomever you meet.

33. An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.

34. Love is being stupid together.

35. You can’t put a price tag on love, but you can on all its accessories.

36. The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

37. Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.

38. A woman has got to love a bad man once or twice in her life to be thankful for a good one.

39. Once you have loved someone, you’d do anything in the world for them… except love them again.

40. Love at first sight is cured by the second look

41. There is a place you can touch a woman that will drive her crazy. Her heart.

42. Love can sometimes be magic. But magic can sometimes…just be an illusion

43. Love is like peeing your pants. Everyone can see it, but only you can truly feel its warmth.

44. You learn to like someone when you find out what makes them laugh, but you can never truly love someone until you find out what makes them cry

45. You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.

46. Guys, when your girlfriend has Taylor Swift lyrics as her Facebook status, you’re either doing something very wrong or very, very right.

47. I love you like a fat kid loves cake.

48. Roses are red, violets are blue; sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl is empty
and so is your head.

49. Love is temporary insanity curable by marriage.

50. A husband or wife is someone who’ll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn’t have had if you would have just stayed single.

51. To fall in love is awfully simple, but to fall out of love is simply awful.

52. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

53. A man who says his wife can’t take a joke, forgets that she took him.

54. Don’t fall for someone who won’t be there to catch you.

55. Loves conquers all things except poverty and toothache.

56. The only creatures that are evolved enough to convey pure love are dogs and infants.

57. Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your heart or burn down your house you can never tell.

58. Love has the power of making you believe what you would normally treat with the deepest suspicion.

59. Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.

60. Love is what happens to people who don’t know each other.

61. Love is photogenic. It needs darkness to develop.

62. Love is like Pi: natural, irrational, and very important.

63. Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

64. People say that you can’t live without love … But I think oxygen is more important.

65. Love is like war: Easy to begin but hard to end.

66. Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer bumpin’ uglies raises some pretty good questions.

67. Before you find your handsome prince, you’ve got to kiss a lot of frogs.

68. A day without your love is like a year without wifi.

69. True love is like seeing ghosts; we all talk about it, but few of us have ever seen one.

70. Love is like a password. Hard to figure out, but you always want to keep trying.